my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
