I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
