I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
