Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So much rum. So many feels.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
