Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
