woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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