Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
