Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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