dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
