I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
