I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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