You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
