just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
