I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
