It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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