I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
