#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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