i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
