At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
