This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize