i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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