Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
