Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
