she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
