its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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