After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize