Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize