I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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