Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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