We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
