Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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