ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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