we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
