Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
