can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Randomize
