curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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