I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
