At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
