girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just forgot I was standing up.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize