I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
