You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
