yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
