The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
