i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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