The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
