mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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