I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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