Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
