Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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