That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
