that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
