my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
