Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
