She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
