My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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