My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
