She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I enjoy the company of your penis
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
