dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
