I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
