Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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