I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You can't just leave with hair like that
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
