just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
