Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it's great music for shaving your balls
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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