I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
