I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He did a backflip because drugs
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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