I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize