At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
