I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
