I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
