She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
