i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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