I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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