Can i not drive my cunt home
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
