She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
