the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
