i wish my penis had a tongue
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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